


These Hands of Mine

by FireandRosemary



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Hands, Holding Hands, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani and Nicky | Nicolò di Genova are in Love, Little bit of angst, M/M, Nicky Thinks At Night, Partly Inspired by the new comic art, Reflecting on things, Worried Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, night time thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:49:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28921605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireandRosemary/pseuds/FireandRosemary
Summary: When these thoughts crowd his mind, his hands, so steady in combat, will shake.Nicky sits alone with his thoughts at night and stares at his hands.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 9
Kudos: 102





	These Hands of Mine

Nicky can never quite be sure what he was built for. He stares at his hands sometimes, wonders what their purpose is. Sometimes he wakes during the night, carefully removes himself from Joe’s arms and goes to sit outside.

In the cool of the night time air he will sit, breathing deeply as he thinks. He will turn his hands over, flexing his fingers, watching as what little light there is catches the slow movements.

These hands have taken so many lives.

Alone in the dark, Nicky will think of the lives he has ended. Some in blind hatred, the lunacy of fanaticism. Some who threatened innocents. Some who threatened those he loves.

And Yusuf.

When the nights are particularly dark, Nicky’s thoughts will crowd in on him. Then he cannot hold back that guilt that has always lingered. He regrets every death he laid on Yusuf, every wound, every hateful world snarled in blood, and dust, and sand. Joe jokes about it now, but there is a part of Nicky that will never forgive himself.

When these thoughts crowd his mind, his hands, so steady in combat, will shake.

But often, when his thoughts are not darkened, Nicky remembers that his hands, so sure on the trigger of his sniper rifle or the hilt of his sword, they are capable of other things too.

He uses his hands to care for his family.

He will lay a gentle hand on Andy’s back, her shoulder, her hair if she will let him. Andy is strong, the strongest person he has ever known. But sometimes, even she needs a gentle touch, something to remind her that they care, that they are here. At times, after particularly difficult missions, he has washed blood from her hair, his hands gentle and comforting. Nicky enjoys wrapping his arms around those he cares about, enjoys the warmth and affection of their embraces, be it for greeting, comfort, or simple touch.

Nicky cares for them in other ways too. He does his best to make sure they all eat, and eat well. This isn’t always easy, missions and safehouses sometimes make good food hard to come by. But he will always make something. He is as accurate with kitchen knives as he is with his guns, whatever ingredients he has managed to acquire chopped, sliced and prepared to perfection. Nicky finds great pleasure in the joy he can bring with good food. He is not an artist, but he can create a masterpiece in the kitchen.

Nicky also uses his hands to love.

Yusuf. Joe. His Yusuf.

He could spend eternity with his hands on Joe’s body. On his skin. In his hair. Nicky will never tire of it. His fingers tangle with Joe’s whenever he has the opportunity. When they sleep, when they sit beside each other. Nicky likes it best when he rests his hand on Joe’s and finds the tips of his fingers enclosed in Joe’s, warm and safe. When his hands are on Joe is when Nicky believes he has, perhaps, found the true purpose for his existence. To love this man, to hold him, to touch him. To bring him comfort, companionship, pleasure.

When he thinks of this, his thoughts settle.

Nicky brings his hands together. If he concentrates he can still feel the warmth of Joe’s touch.

The thought of Joe grounds him, as it always does. He can almost hear Joe’s breaths, deep and sleep soft, calling to him where he sits in the dark.

Nicky has sat alone for long enough. His night time thoughts have settled.

Quietly, carefully, Nicky stands and makes his way back into the house. His bare feet move silently as he enters the room that he and Joe have claimed. Nicky looks at Joe, smiling when he sees that Joe has reached into the empty spot he left behind. He climbs back into bed and Joe moves to wrap around him without waking.

Their fingers tangle over Nicky’s chest, over his heart. The last of his thoughts are chased away. This is what he was built for. This is home.


End file.
